i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
