VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Randomize
