Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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