bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
