fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Randomize
