Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Randomize
