I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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