I think she gave up trying 2 land a bf and let herself go
You misogynist thinking that every girl wants a bf
They do. I don't appreciate u using big words idk and im gonna take offense
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
