Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
should my penis look like a turkey
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
