Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Randomize
