just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
