Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
you inspire me to be a worse person
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
