My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
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