he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
