everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
40s are totally the cure
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize
