If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
