in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Randomize
