I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
Blood and glitter go together right?
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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