I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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