She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
