I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Randomize
