honey bunches of taint.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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