Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
