I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize
