I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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