I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
