I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
