Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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