i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
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