At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Randomize
