Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
I AM VODKA MAN
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
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