I looked at my own cervix.
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Randomize
