Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize
