Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
