I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
FUCK WHALES
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