So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
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