After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
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