I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
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