I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
