Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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