He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
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