I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
