wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
I just gargled with NyQuil
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Randomize
