So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Randomize
