Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
Who died my cat blue again?
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
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