if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
The beer is more important than you right now.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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