I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Randomize
