I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
Help me help you realize you are a moron
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Randomize
