well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
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