I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Randomize
