id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
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