Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
